By the Predator-mouthed vajeen!!! Echo 1 is FREE for five days, starting 2/15! Echo 2, 3, 4, and Echo 1 & 2 Combined Edition will be $0.99 for a week! Stop contemplating the deep and unshakeable horror of burping up sperm (I wanna hear “sperm-burper” used in a comedic context somewhere, dammit) and go tell […]
“I still can’t understand why you didn’t ask Anita. She loves shopping with you.” Julia tucked her hair behind her ear, checked over her shoulder and backed her Charger out of her mother’s condo driveway.
“I didn’t bring your sister because she would just nod and smile at everything. She wouldn’t tell me the truth. I need unvarnished truth.” Her mother turned the radio down and readjusted the mirror on her side so she could see the traffic behind them from the passenger seat. “You’re about as blunt as they come.”
“Mom, leave the mirrors alone.”
“Stop, you barely use your mirrors anyway.”
They drove toward the mall in silence for a bit. Julia didn’t move the mirror back.
“I need to talk to you about something,” her mother said quietly, eyes forward.
This couldn’t be good. “Why do you suddenly need ‘the unvarnished truth’ about how you look in bathing suits, anyway? This trip with Aunt Mona really has you flustered.”
“As you know, it’s a singles cruise, Julia! Your Aunt insisted, since Dad’s been gone so long and I don’t date. She says I need to get back out there.”
“Be that as it may, Mona and I will probably be the oldest women on the boat. I haven’t ever been in circumstances like this before in my life. Unmarried and alone, surrounded by men looking for … companionship. I can feel their eyes all over me already.”
“This is just as bad as I thought it would be.”
“Well, too bad. Now I really do need to talk to you about something.”
“Go for it.”
“What happened with you and Todd?”
“Me and Todd?” Oh, Lord. There was no version of this story she wanted to share with her mother.
“Yes, you and my dear friend Ginnie’s only son, Todd. What happened?”
“What did she tell you?”
“Only that you stopped by her home the other day and said some awful things about her Todd. Maligned him! And loudly, out on the front porch.”
Damn it. She knew she should have showed Miss Ginnie the screen shots. “That’s it? That’s all she said?”
“She said you were making up lies about her son. Trying to ruin their relationship. Yelling at her in front of her neighbors. Whatever possessed you?”
“That’s not even close to the whole story.”
“That’s why I’m asking.” Her mother sounded exasperated.
“Didn’t you ask her why?”
“She wouldn’t even talk about it. Hung up on me. One of my oldest friends. Now spill it.”
“Ok. You know how Todd and I kind of hit it off last month at Ricky’s wedding?”
“No. I had no idea.”
“Well, we did. Got talking about the environment and the poor fucking polar bears and I was pleasantly surprised to hear that he actually donates to the Audubon Society.”
“But he’s always been such a right-winger.”
“Right? But, he was singing a different tune that night.”
“Well, I ended up giving him my number.”
“He didn’t text for two weeks and then he finally sent a ‘Hey’.” At 2am, Julia didn’t add. “We chatted back and forth the whole next day, and then pretty late the next night he sent me a dick pic.”
“A what?” Her mother’s jaw hung open.
“An unsolicited picture of his dick. From his phone to mine.”
“He did not.”
“Oh, yes. Then he had the balls to be shitty about me not enjoying that particular wooing technique.”
“What does that mean?”
Julia parked her Charger about fifteen cars into a row near a Macy’s entrance.
“Guys send pics of their dicks to girls, mom. A lot. And I don’t love it. When I expressed that, he became verbally abusive.”
“What did he say?”
“Do you want me to just read it to you?”
Julia pulled her phone out of her purse and brought up her screenshots of his texts.
“So I have shots of our first messaging, just chatting really. Then at 10:30pm he sent ‘what are you wearing’. I said, ‘pajamas’. I was about to go to bed. Then he sent the dick pic. Do you want to see it?”
“That’s what I thought.”
“So I left him on read for a half hour then sent back ‘Ew’. That’s when he got all pissy.”
“Well, what did he say?”
“And I quote: ‘Typical bitch feminist. Tell them nothing but the stupid shit they want to hear and they still don’t want you. You know what Ms. High and Mighty Julia Scheffield? I don’t want you either. You aren’t rejecting me, I’m rejecting you. Fat slut. I was only talking to you out of pity. And I like your car. Good luck finding a man ever with your fucking mouth. Have fun being a cat lady.’ Then he blocked me!”
“I can’t even tell if you’re serious right now. Is this a joke?”
“Yeah. I told you. He’s awful.”
“Yes, I guess he is. But why did you have to involve Ginnie?”
“What does poor Ginnie have to do with any of that?”
“She raised him.”
“I thought she’d want to know that the man she raised is a disgusting creep.”
“Well, clearly she doesn’t.”
“Yeah, I got that.”
“But what were you hoping to accomplish with all this?”
“What do you mean?”
“Why did you go there at all? What benefit could there possibly be for you?”
“I don’t know. No benefit, I suppose. Just revenge. Shame him?”
“Telling on him to his mother like he’s a child?”
“He was her child. She should have raised a better son.”
“Why should poor Ginnie bear the brunt of your anger towards him? Surely you can’t really think she’s somehow responsible for his actions at this point. He’s a thirty plus year old man.”
“A man that she created.”
“A man with his own free will and a lifetime’s worth of experiences that don’t all involve her. Do you think that I could control your behavior? That I’m somehow an integral part of your every future word and deed?”
“No, of course not.”
“Well, they’re no different.”
“Maybe she could speak to him, change him. Fuck knows I don’t want to, but he needs it.”
“Nothing Ginnie could do or say to him now is going to make him into a boy who doesn’t send girls pictures of his sad and lonely penis.”
“She could try.”
“Just like nothing I do now is going to make you into a girl who doesn’t cuss in conversations with her mother.”
“And I will remind you of something I told you a long time ago and then we never have to speak about this again. Don’t give people unsolicited advice unless it’s something that you yourself can fix in thirty seconds.”
“I know about the thirty second rule, mom.”
Her mother popped open her car door and shouldered the strap of her small leather purse. “Try to follow it then, Julia.” She got out and slammed the heavy door shut behind herself.
Julia got out and wordlessly followed her into Macy’s. She smiled at her mother, nodding as she tried on each bathing suit. “They all look lovely, mom. You and Aunt Mona are going to have so much fun.”
Haven’t checked-in in many months! Last month flew by and my favorite holiday –Halloween– got away from me a bit this year. We usually do a lot more activities and have a family theme costume, but life just got in the way this time. One of my dependents found a life size hairdressing head at a secondhand store and bought it for themselves when I refused. Now they keep hiding good old Tina throughout the house, seeing how many times they can make me scream. It’s terrible. I hate her. Easily the most cursed object in my house. And it’s true, I quit caffeine completely this week with a final switch to decaf tea. Not painless, but done. I’m pretty proud 😀
I’m rereading the Wheel of Time series, again. Sort of. I’m listening to it on audible. Doing it to celebrate the tv show Rafe Judkins is producing for Amazon, which I’m super psyched about. I only have ten chapters of book 1 left and I find listening to it rather than reading it fun but slow. I’ve read book 1 many times (a new reread each time books 8 – 10 came out) and I’m fairly sure I skimmed a ton on most of those. Even with the listening speed turned up to 1.25, I still can’t skim, so I’m getting every word, for better or worse. For October’s movie viewing hubs and I caught up on some horror flicks we hadn’t gotten to yet. The stand out of the bunch was The Witch. Scary shit. We’re watching Watchmen, Stumptown, Preacher, Titans, and of course the last season of Supernatural. Speaking of, I got a model of Baby for Sweetest Day this year. Check out the weapon filled little trunk!
Maximus the dog is a good boy. He is still hyper at times, but has slowed down to enjoy the finer things in life a bit more and hardly ever bites the heads off squirrels anymore.
Here’s a link to my completed series ~ The Tinseltown Temptress ~ if you need a new read. It is sexy and fun, perfect to take away your fall-is-cold blues!
It’s cold and gray here in Michigan. Snowflakes have flown. Hope it’s gorgeous wherever you are! What are you reading?
I’ve been bad at posting here but I will be changing that up. First off, this Wednesday will bring a new check-in. Then some Monday mornings will feature a new piece of short fiction or possibly even an essay. Find me on tumblr most days if you want to chat 😀
This is gonna be a fast update. I’m behind on everything and need to work on an outline desperately. My last office lamp got burned up by a power surge when a large branch in my backyard fell. I looked at many different lighting solutions only to be flooded with far too many choices. Instead of replacing it myself, I asked my family trade-a-gift person for one for Christmas and this is what I got. I’m really happy with it, love the versatility. Now to delegate vacuuming…
Still reading the Harrison paranormal romance. Still no sex Not cool, Kim. Not cool. Finally watched I, Tonya. It was incredible, as expected. Margot Robbie is amazing. Future Man 2 is so good it’s very hard not to binge. The comedic timing is tightly packed and perfect.
Max is good. Did you all see there’s a new dry dog food recall?? Check the list for your dog’s food!
Here’s a link to my completed series ~ The Tinseltown Temptress ~ if you need a new read. I promise prompt sex scene delivery 😀
There’s snow ahead in the forecast, lots of it, and I can’t say I’m excited. We haven’t really had any yet this winter, so everyone keeps saying we need it but that just sounds defeatist to me. Hope it’s gorgeous wherever you are! What are you reading?
These are the cookies my little goblins and I made for friends and family this year. I spent most of the month of December trying not to eat them and failing miserably. Defending them against the other members of my household was also no easy task. I’m skipping the buckeyes next year. They just didn’t keep their structural integrity long enough to be practical for this sort of thing. As per usual, I got so busy with all the holiday hoopla that my writing schedule suffered terribly. This week has been an attempt to shake all that off and start over.
I’m about a hundred pages into my first Kim Harrison novel, Black Magic Sanction. It’s great so far. Very fast paced. Still no sex though, so I’m getting impatient. We saw Into the Spiderverse and it was magical and funny with an amazing soundtrack. Only one episode of Timeless left. That second to last one felt so rushed I can only imagine the last one will feel like it’s stuck on FF. Season 2 of Future Man drops in two days, Jan 11, 2019!!! Pretty jacked for that 😀
Maximus remains lovely and only slightly challenging these days. My little one got an agility training set for Christmas so he’s gonna get pretty busy with that this spring. We keep trying to introduce more vegetables into his diet but he only has eyes for zucchini ends. He won’t even take other kinds of squash? Such a weirdo.
The painting company is steady, atm. I need to do our new year mass mailing today, so yay to that.
WIP is still ‘CC’ and I’m still rough drafting. I keep getting distracted by tone and a few other elements that should be sequestered to revision time but I’m hoping that I’ll hit some sort of stride at some point and get to my word count without pulling anymore hair out.
Here’s a link to my completed series ~ The Tinseltown Temptress ~ if you’re in the mood for some romantic comedy erotica. And who’s not in THAT mood???
Very cold and light snow blowing around but I did walk Max this morning so today is a good day. Hope it’s gorgeous wherever you are! What are you reading?
Hey! Long time, no check in 😀 We decorated for Christmas this week. A big sarcastic yay for having a train in my living room. Having finally launched the last book in my series a lot of the publishing work time has turned back into writing time, which is awesome. I’m waitressing at a new place (farm to table & chef owned) and gone down to part time which my knee is thanking me for. It’s actually given me the greatest horror story idea. I wonder if they’ll let me shoot video there…
I recently reread Heinlein’s Number of the Beast and I still got lost conceptualizing the math. My brother insists that Heinlein himself probably didn’t understand it but it makes me angry I never pursued I higher understanding in that direction. Speaking of time travel, hubs and I are watching Timeless (light spoiler ahead). We just started the second season, in fact Wyatt’s wife just popped back into the picture after he and Lucy did the deed. Excited for all that drama!! I do wish there were more Rufus/Jiya relationship based scenes, but can’t have everything, I guess. Sidenote: I searched Bing (by accident, don’t judge me) to get the spelling for Jiya’s name (actress: Claudia Doumit) and when I pulled up Timeless characters she is not listed AT ALL. I had to go to imdb. Weird, no? We’re also watching Dirk Gently which is pretty friggin awesome and you should watch it right now.
Maximus is a chill man now and loves to cuddle. He’s a sweet, sweet doggie who only occasionally drives me nuts.
Pride Painting is busy, busy, thankfully. So there’s always lots to do there. I recently had to reimage my computer and I’m using a second party app to read and edit XLS files and that’s.. not working very well.
WIP is ‘CC’ and I’m rough drafting atm. No, I won’t even share the full working title at this point. Finished the prologue today. Starting on ch 1 tomorrow. After all the pre-draft work it’s lovely being at this stage finally. What a relief! I’m aiming for a thousand words a day which should have me in first revisions by the end of March by my half-assed estimate.
Here’s a link to my completed series ~ The Tinseltown Temptress ~ if you’re in the mood for some romantic comedy erotica.
It’s barely freezing, gray and windy outside. Not great dog walking weather. Hope it’s gorgeous wherever you are! What are you reading?